We’re back with a brand-new season of Married at First Sight and two new judges who are along for the ride. We already met relationship expert and life coach Rachel DeAlto in the MAFS premiere, but we really wanted to pick her brain and get a better idea of how she can help our three couples keep their marriages strong throughout the several weeks of the experiment. Find out what she brings to the table as an expert in our Q&A below.
Welcome to the MAFS family! Can you tell us about your background and expertise in this experiment?
It’s so great to be here! It’s always of interest to people that I am a recovering lawyer. I left the law almost a decade ago when I realized I far more enjoyed bringing people together, than breaking them apart. I am a certified life coach and hypnotherapist, with a passion for relationships-–both with one’s self, and with others. I work with individuals and couples to help them understand their blocks to finding and keeping that amazing, healthy love we all desire.
My approach to this experiment combines both my background in the dating industry (as a coach and matching singles) with my experience coaching couples. It’s been deeply fulfilling to work with these brave individuals!
How can your work as an expert help the participants find love?
In the matching phase, I use my experience and knowledge to create couples that have attributes, values and personalities that are compatible.
Once married, my focus is to make sure that the participants are growing individually, and as a couple. Relationships are our greatest teachers, and this experiment creates a mechanism that fast tracks that education. I will work with the couples to recognize any blocks they may have to being vulnerable in their relationships, help them overcome difficulties in communication and support them in developing emotional and physical intimacy.
What would you say are some of the most important elements to making the relationships in this experiment work?
Self-awareness, vulnerability and commitment are essential. In this experiment, and in any relationship, it’s imperative to realize that no one is perfect-–including yourself. There will be challenges to overcome, emotional triggers and frustrations. To have a healthy marriage, these candidates must be willing to look inside and do the work to break past destructive patterns, heal old hurts and move forward.
Vulnerability is also necessary. It is nearly impossible to have lived a life without hurt. Unfortunately, many singles bring that past pain with them and build a wall around their heart. For this to work, they must be vulnerable and let down the wall. Love is worth the risk.
Lastly, but certainly not the least important element is commitment. We start with marriage because that is the ultimate commitment, however, the candidates need to understand the emotional commitment required. Marriage isn’t always easy, but if you are committed, truly committed, you can work through almost anything.
What do you think participants can take from the MAFS experiment?
Regardless of the outcome, participants can receive an immense amount of emotional growth! It would be extremely difficult to not learn from marrying a stranger, addressing your internal emotional hurdles and learning how to live and communicate with someone you just met.
And hopefully a loving healthy marriage!
What advice would you give to singles out there looking for a long-term committed relationship?
My advice to singles looking for love would be two-fold. First, know what you are looking for. Identify the values that you know you can’t live without. Make a list (a short one), and make sure that the people you date have those values. We so often accept less than we need because of “chemistry,” but chemistry can also be found with someone that shares your hopes and dreams. Wait for it. Second, give love a chance to grow. I have seen countless singles nix a potential partner because of something that can change or is truly insignificant. If they share your values and you are remotely attracted-–give them a chance! I give my clients a 5 date rule. It works.
Did you take anything away from the experiment, participants or other experts that you can apply in your day-to-day work?
I have taken away SO much from this experiment. Working with Dr. Pepper and Pastor Calvin has been amazing-–their knowledge and compassion has been inspiring and educational. I have also learned so much about the human spirit. This experiment isn’t for everyone, but I have been in awe of the depth of heart and willingness–to learn and evolve–of those involved. I bring this knowledge with me everywhere.
You can watch Rachel DeAlto’s expertise firsthand by watching Married at First Sight on Tuesdays at 8:30/7:30c!
